On Self-Doubt & Slow Progress After Burnout
It’s been over three months since I left my full-time job as a mental health support worker to recover from burnout and begin working for myself.
Truthfully, I thought I would be further along the path than I currently am. I thought I’d have one or two paid coaching clients by now, that I would be showing up more regularly online, that I would have more healthy habits of my own in place.
Somewhat unsurprisingly, things haven’t gone quite as planned.
In the space that has opened up since leaving 40+ hours-a-week employment, many of my default habits and patterns have been uncomfortably laid bare:
I notice how low my tolerance for discomfort has become.
I notice how I avoid tasks big and small because of this, even when it’s something that I think I really want to do.
I notice how much fear I have around putting myself out there and sharing what I’m creating.
I notice how much I’ve relied on external structures and other people to influence how I live and work, and how now that I’ve removed most of those influences, it’s completely up to me to lead myself in this next phase of my life.
I’ve frequently found myself questioning whether I’m cut out for self-employment, whether I really have what it takes to succeed in this new sphere.
Intimidating as it is, there is something of an invitation in the not knowing.
Perhaps success looks different in this season
At some point we have to ask ourselves, what idea of success are we striving for? Where did it come from? Against whose timeline are we judging ourselves to get there?
A period of burnout can leave us severely depleted of energy, both mental and physical. It’s important to readjust our expectations to account for this, and to prioritise our health and well-being where we can.
When we’ve been following a particular path for so long and then choose to make a change (to our lifestyle, career, relationships…), our nervous system needs time to adjust too. It’s easy to overlook all the internal shifts, invisible as they are, that occur during a transition like this. Oftentimes progress is happening in ways that we’re just not witness to yet.
Right now, success for me means simply showing up every day - to write, to recognise and tend to my physical needs, to spend time with the important people in my life. This season is about building self-awareness, noticing my fears and limiting beliefs, and learning to flow through them. It’s about turning towards the difficult things, whilst being unreservedly gentle with myself.
Life happens one day at a time
What if we could embrace this season, in all its messiness? What if we don’t need to wait until the next arbitrary milestone to acknowledge the effort we’re putting in and how far we’ve come?
This moment is all there is. ~ Rumi
I’ve felt everything from guilt to frustration to embarrassment for my apparent lack of progress over these last three months.
And yet, I am learning so much about myself, about how I want to work, about how I want to live. I feel incredibly fortunate to be on this path. It feels like I’m right where I need to be.
What if you too are right where you need to be?
Stay gentle,
Lynne x